


You are not bad at it I but it would be the best for me.

by Laulerelelere



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Bitty is like the perfect spy and Jack doesn't want to believe it, I may continue this if you guys like it, Jack is a Little Shit, M/M, spy AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 21:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4453676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laulerelelere/pseuds/Laulerelelere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Bits, Zimmermann. You have a mission.”<br/>“Lardo, can you explain to Jack how pecan is supposed to be pronounced?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	You are not bad at it I but it would be the best for me.

**Author's Note:**

> Do brownies even need eggs.

“Bits, Zimmermann. You have a mission.”

Larissa Duan, called Lardo by the boys, called Larissa by everyone else, was the person in charge of keeping track of where the boys were, what they were doing, when they would be doing it, why they were doing it and how they did it. She basically kept the boys in line.

It was a hard job. The boys weren’t stupid, of course, being a spy you can’t be stupid, but sometimes they were a little bit… childish?

So when the only answer they gave her when she told them that they had a mission was “Lardo, can you explain to Jack how pecan is supposed to be pronounced?” she wasn’t surprised.

“Bits. Mission.” She reminded him, rolling her eyes. Bitty was usually one of the most responsible agents, but if he got distracted by something it was impossible to get him to do anything.

We’re already on our way to the Haus, sweetheart. Send the info.“

"It’s already on your e-mail.”

Jack wasn’t exactly the leader (that position was totally Lardo’s), but he was something.

Theirs was a weird spy company. They were like a small team of some sport, but they never worked together like they would do if they were a team.

Approximately twenty spies worked for the Haus. The Haus was the name of their company and of the house where they lived. Not everyone lived there, of course. There was only space for five people, but everyone chilled there between mission and mission because everything was there.

And when everyone was there Jack was the one who told them to keep going when they fucked up or the one who celebrated with them whenever they did really well on a mission.

The boys called him “captain”. And Jack had to recognize that it suited him.

When Bittle and he arrived, the Haus was almost empty, so they walked directly to the basement, where the clothes were kept.

“You are supposed to be like my bodyguard or some stuff like that,” informed Bittle, looking at the table were they kept the sunglasses and more accesories. “It may sound like a cliché, but you are easy to recognize, so you should try to hide your face.”

Even if Jack didn’t like it, Bittle was right, so he grabbed the sunglasses that the boy had picked and kept searching for his clothes.

It wasn’t that Jack didn’t like Bittle. He was sure thay they could be friends if Bitty didn’t work with him so often. The problem was that the coaches thought that they worked really well together. And they weren’t even wrong. It was weird for Jack to fail on a mission but working with Bittle he was faster, more efficient and basically better.

Which made him angry because the boy was totally the opposite to what a spy was supposed to be. A spy had to keep silence and be misterious and people didn’t have to know what he was doing. Bittle talked too much. He had never said something about their mission and Jack knew that he would never do it but… it made him nervous.

But the boy was usually right, which was even worse. Actually, the only real problem with Bitty is that fighting wasn’t an ability that he possessed.

It wasn’t that he was bad at it. He was physically uncapable of fighting. Every time that a punch was being threw on his direction he would shut down and just stay on the floor for a while.

It had never happened on an actual fight, but Jack didn’t like it. Mostly because Bittle was really fucking fast and he could out run everyone on the Haus and if he could fight he would be like the perfect spy.

But he cooked for the boys so they wouldn’t go on a mission with an empty stomach and he was really good at picking clothes that suited to their character of the day and he would never be late because he was fucking some girl (Ransom and Holster) or high (Shitty). And he always worked with a partner so truth be told they didn’t have to worry.

Okay, Jack had to admit that the boy wasn’t that bad at his job. And it was funny going out for a coffee with him when there wasn’t any left on the Haus and pronounce the word ‘pecan’ on a different way as Bittle’s so he would get exasperated.

“Jack, are you ready?” Bittle’s voice said from somewhere beside him. “Yes,” Jack answered, putting his jacket on. “Where are we going?”

“You are going to have to decipher Lardo’s indications for me, 'cause I don’t really get them. I can’t tell apart her L’s from her R’s and it is kinda important to tell them apart because she doesn’t write 'left’ and 'right’, she just writes the first letter. And you have been reading this things for a long time, at least, longer than the time that I’ve been doing it, so…” Bittle handed him his phone, where he had Lardo’s indications.

It wasn’t that Lardo had bad calligraphy, but that she tried to write as fast as she could in a note of paper and after that she sent really bad photos. And she hated to give indications without a little drawing to explain herself better, so they were stuck that way. But with practice Jack had learnt how to decipher those, so he just looked at Bittle and told him to get in the car, because they were going to, well, get going.

Jack really had a strange feeling about that mission, but he didn’t know where it came from.

“Okay, so, Lardo says that I am supposed to be a boy called Tony who is son of a guy with a lot of money and basically I look like him and all I gotta do is talk the less I can 'cause he has no accent and apparently I have, and I am quoting, 'too much southern accent for this life holy shit Bits’”.

Bitty saw Jack smile while he was driving and he thanked Lardo for helping him. Since they started working together, his relationship with Jack had been tense. Shitty said that it was because the dinner that they organized every year with the spy company that was formed by girls was getting closer and that he would see him looking less and less 'like if he had a stick up his ass, I mean, I love him, he is my beautiful fucker of a best friend, but he has a stick up his ass and I hate when he is like this’ during the dinner.

“She is not lying. You do have a lot of southern accent. Where were you from, again?”

“Georgia, Jack. Born and raised. I moved up here like three months ago, don’t expect me to lose my accent yet.”

“Then I shouldn’t expect you to deal with the snow and the cold, eh?” “No, you shouldn’t. And I would like to see you deal with Georgia’s heat, Mr. Zimmermann.”

Jack laughed at that and Bitty smiled to himself. Heh.

“And where is this boy from?”

“He is from Michigan. Oh my god how do they say 'Troy Smith’ in Michigan because I’m sure that the answer is 'not the same way you do it’. Oh god. I am going to call Lardo to ask her. Wait, do you think that she will tell me to just shut up? She probably will. Okay, I think I am getting nervous over the mission. I always babble when I am nervous.”

“Bittle.”

“Yes, Jack?”

“The mission will work out just fine.”

“Okay.”

The mission didn’t work out just fine.

They were in the party and everything was going all right. Bitty had discovered how to make an awful accent from Michigan and he was talking with the guy they were supposed to steal from.

Bitty had already forgotten his name, but he knew that he stole information from big companies and that he had a really important paper inside the pocket of his jacket.

And another thing he knew was that this guy would never shut up, really. He was currently talking to seven people at the same time and telling a story and Bitty was going to kill him.

So I was there and like this guy tells me that I can’t make a brownie without using any eggs and I knew I could so I just told him 'take me to the kitchen’ and I baked brownies. And you know what he told me? 'Dude, your brownie tastes like fucking heaven’.“

You can’t cook a brownie without an egg. Well, you can but it would taste awful.” Bitty whispered under his breath. Jack almost didn’t hear it, because the room was getting full of exclamations of disbelief, but he smiled at that.

“Okay, okay, okay. I will show it to you. The host of the party is my brother, so I guess no one will care if I use the kitchen for a moment, right?”

They got kicked out of the house.

Jack was going to kill Bittle.

Everything was all right until Bitty had a taste of the brownie and he started coughing.

He started fighting with one of the guys in the kitchen because Bitty said that the brownie didn’t exactly taste like heaven and the guy, who seemed to be really drunk, threw himself against him.

So they kicked them out.

God, Jack was so angry. He understood that everyone could have small mistakes but that was a really stupid mistake. And it was totally Bittle’s fault.

“So. That didn’t come out as planned.” Bittle said, finally, after a full minute of silence.

“Getting us kicked out of that house wasn’t a part of your plan?” Okay, Jack knew that the kid was probably beating himself up enough, but he was just. Angry.

“It was a possible outcome, but not before I got the paper, y'know?”

Before Jack could even process what that meant, a boy came out of the house and looked at Bitty as if he had saved his life.

“Tony! Can I talk to you for a minute? You were right, I mean, I just ate a bit of that brownie and it tastes like shit, honestly. How do you usually do it? Do you want to walk around here for a minute so you can tell me?”

“Oh. Well… of course! But wait, could you grab my jacket? It’s getting chilly here and I shouldn’t go back in there.”

“I’ll be right back.”

The guy eyed Jack for a second, but he came back to the house.

“Okay, so. Here’s the plan: I am going to steal the paper. You wait in the car. It’ll be just a minute.”

“Wait, what? Why would you…?

"Jack. I’ve got your back, okay? We are not going to leave without the paper and I am the one who kinda blew it inside. So I’ll work it out. I mean. My plan was to steal the paper from the pocket of the guy while I tried to teach him how to cook, but a romantic walk under the moon will also do the trick, I guess? Just wait in the car. Oh, there he is! All right, later.”

And like that he just started walking with that guy.

Jack was so confused.

He thought that Bittle… wasn’t acting in there? Like, the things that he said were true, but probably Bittle’s plan was to call the guy’s attention so he could steal the paper.

Now he felt bad for being angry at him.

Bittle was back three minutes later, alone, with a paper peeking out of the pocket of his jacket.

“How did you do that?”

He just smirked, going inside the car and sitting next to Jack, handing him the papers.

“I kinda flirted with him for a minute and stole the papers when he wasn’t looking. It wasn’t that hard.”

“… What.”

“Y'know, y'all are not the only ones who can make someone fall under your feet in a minute. Just 'cause I am younger and smaller that doesn’t mean that I am a worst spy. I make mistakes, of course. But look, I got the papers. Now start driving, I want to bake something that doesn’t taste like that brownie before going to sleep.”

“Wait, what is that other paper?” Jack hadn’t seen it before, but along with the important paper Bittle had brought, there was another paper, smaller, with a few numbers written on it.

“Oh, it’s nothing, don’t worry. I mean, I don’t mean that you were worried, it’s just a paper, but, y'know, just so you know, it’s not important, so. Let’s get going?”

“¿Bittle?”

Bitty was completely red and avoiding his gaze. And he was talking a lot really fast. He was a really bad liar for someone who did that for a living.

“It’s just his phone number, okay? He wanted me to take it and I am going to throw it away but please don’t tell Ransom and Holster they will never shut up about it and when I say never I mean literally never, you know them, Jack.”

“It’s all right, Bittle, I won’t tell them anything. Don’t worry. I’ve got your back, okay?”

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> First point: If you think that Bitty was looking at Jack's ass while they changed you are totally right.  
> Second point: Hey! So. I wrote this mostly at four AM and english isn't my first language (it isn't even my second language, holy shit). So if you see some mistake you can totally tell me :'D  
> Third point: My Tumblr is idontreallylikebutterflies.tumblr.com and I usually post headcanons and things so yeah.   
> Thank you for reading, really! ;-;   
> Tumblr mirror: http://idontreallylikebutterflies.tumblr.com/post/125349451116/you-are-not-bad-at-it-i-but-it-would-be-the-best


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